"Wearing sunglasses at night hurts your eyes after a while"

"black, retro plastic chic at their very best"

Yesterday was a momentous occasion. This years first glimpse of the sun. Ten whole minutes, I swear. People almost had the bucket and spade in one hand, the towel and sun block firmly in the other. But the cloud rolled back in for the weekend- of course- so they were put back in the cupboards to gather a little dust before Summer is upon us.


However, this has turned my thoughts to Sunglasses, and glasses in general. You see, over the last few years, the fashion world has come running into this arena all guns a-blazing. 1960's black-rimmed glasses are 'in' at the moment and I'm afraid to say I have succumbed. I own a pair of (clear plastic) glasses which are saved for evenings when I dress myself in head to toe geek shic; Lumberjack shirt (tucked in), black skinny jeans, big belt, braces - that sort of thing. Technically I don't actually need glasses, but my excuse is they are cool. And I'm not the only one who wears them, so there !

 
I already own my treasured sunglasses for this season; black, retro plastic chic at their very best. You see, the first sentence of this blog entry is an almost lie- last weekend the sun sort-of made a half-hearted attempt to come out. But it was enough. The coat, scarf, beanie hat were all ditched, hopefully not to be seen until next winter. And I decided to give my new pair a little airing, in preparation for the summer- gotta wear them in and all that. They were a big success. 

This craze seems to be a younger generation thing, for now at least. Wearing my little beauties, I was surrounded by their sunglasses brothers and sisters of endless descriptions. Heart shaped ones. Black ones. Yellow ones. Dotted ones. Star-shaped ones. The list could go on, and on. Shop after shop had a rack which was a cosmopolitan collection of glasses of all colours, race and creed. A mini 'Sunglasses World' in the corner of each and every store I entered. Heaven.


Back-in-the-day they were an afterthought, an irrelevance- having glasses was NOT a cool thing. But it's all changed. They are now THE ultimate accessory. They remain glued to the head of any respectable follower of fashion; be it day or night, be you inside or out. You stand out in a crowd. Well that was the initial theory anyway. The more and more people who wear them will ultimately make you (god forbid) blend in to an endless sea of glasses.


But not to worry, by then there will be a new 'must-have' and glasses will have been swapped to something else. Probably something that's been through it all before. But hey, that's fashion. For now I'm just gonna lie back and enjoy it. Hopefully with plentiful sunshine, and a cocktail in hand...

With a gun in your hand

Quote : "It is an absolute bonus to make friends out of colleagues, but we are friends and our relations grow stronger ever day"

Wow, two entry's in a day! It must be a Friday afternoon evening ... 

This one I couldn't resist..

I'm pondering. To what extent should we assist our colleagues in the work place ?! An interesting one. I'm a civil, well mannered kind of guy. When asked by my boss to do something, then I do it. Generally speaking its work-related and there is no reason not to.

However a 40-year old (ish) work colleague asked me today, after pointing out the rather obvious fact that I am younger than her, to collect her printings from the printer today and take them to her desk. OK. Fine. In the rush of the moment I complied.

Afterwards though my actions puzzled me. A perfectly healthy woman (physically at least, the rest is questionable - another time maybe..) asked me to walk the 2 metres she physically couldn't to collect god-knows-what and deliver it to her desk. If I came up with a catchy name and introduced a charge I could start a business surely? Now, if she was 62 and a little decrepit then it would be a different situation entirely. If she was disabled or suffered a condition, then fine, OK, no worries. Not a problem. Really. But my point is she is not and does not, and its not really OK. And I rather feel like a mug. In fact I'm not sure that I even heard a Please or Thank you!!

Needless to say, I was not amused. But after proceeding to forward the following email to a select few colleagues, it lightened my mood a little..

From:
To:
Sent: 27 February 2009 15:49
Subject: New Service..

Good Afternoon

If there is anything you would like me to do please don't hesitate to
ask.

If you would like me to lick your shoes clean, or maybe
dust
off your clothes, or maybe even adjust your chair- give me a
call!

Please call 0800 - F**KIN CHEEK right now. I would love to speak to you!

or visit: http://www.whatalazycow.com/

Love

Mr.
S.Lave

I'm still chuckling away to myself as we speak.

To point out at this very late stage, I sincerely like this particular work colleague despite the question of her sanity. I like her quirky mannerisms, and her quirky look. This makes me an outsider in my work place, it really does, however this occurrence has left me doubting my judgement.

Blushing and Flushing

With all this Giggling and Blushing, you'd think I was a little school girl with blond pig tails and a pair of dungarees. Let me assure you, I am not. However blushing is yet another torment in my life, and once again it is something that I have been cursed by since f o r e v e r.

Now contrary to what the title of this blog entry may or may not imply, this is not the start of an endearing tale about how something that I flushed caused me to blush. Flushing is actually just the technical name that Doctors give blushing. (doesn't actually sound too technical to me but hey..)

Funnily enough of all the many blushing tales I could tell, the only one that includes a flush was talking to a boss, on the loo, forgetting where I was and consequently flushing the toilet whilst still on the phone. And taking the idea of my ex-boss (funny that, eh) being a superhuman-who-can-see-into-other peoples-minds out of the equation, then this particular blush which turned my head into a shining beetroot wasn't actually seen by anyone else. Although I'm pretty sure the blush was so strong in-fact that you could hear it in the tone of my voice...

You see, although Blushing frustrates me, it is kind of fascinating. In the wide and varied animal kingdom, only humans blush- and no one is quite sure why. Without a second glance, it seems a pretty pointless, if painful, exercise- then again maybe Im biased. However it is entirely natural and a completely sub conscience reflex which cannot be helped- research shows even somebody who is both deaf and blind, can blush- indicating the very internal nature of this phenomenon. It's all in the mind.. Still this doesn't help.

The nitty gritty boring explanation is that Adrenalin dilates the blood vessells in the skin, allowing more blood in and this turns our cheeks, neck and ears that rather fetching Ketchup-coloured shade of red. Experts sort-of agree that it can, and I repeat CAN be a useful unspoken message between two people. If you loudly fart in a crowded room, then it is a sub conscience message of apology, acknowledgement and remorse to the poor souls around you. However it soon turns against you when it is a silent-but-deadly-killer, and you turn such a deep shade of scarlet that you might as well wear a 'IT WAS ME' sign fastened to the top your head. To rub salt into the wound, or last nights curry into the delivery so to speak, some people may blush even if it wasn't them who released the fatal blow. A lose/lose situation I'm sure you'd agree.

I am one of those poor unfortunate chaps who turns red at the drop of the hat. Not only when embarrassed, or uncomfortable, but if any degree of attention is placed on me for more than a micro-second. I can walk past a large group of people and a mere glance in my direction normally gets the ol' reflex-a-glowing. Even when I'm complimented my body can't cope with it and sends those red blood cells marching into my face like an army into battle.

It can work for me or against. My partner can even find it a bit 'cute' If I am complimented then I might go red, and this is a silent- but assuring - acknowledgment and thank you in return. However 9 times out of 10 it is something I'd rather be rid of. When a sister has lost her favourite DVD for example and she's sniffing out a culprit- then a luminous goldfish bowl for a head doesn't help to prove my innocence. Not 'till its found can I manage to do that. Whatever happened to innocent until proven....??

At work this morning I was invited to a 'girly' pyjama party. Now as a gay male I am no stranger to hanging out with best female friends eating and drinking (better described as devouring) pizza and alcohol and whatever. However these are my work friends and this was my 'first' invite to one of these things. Being a bloke, I irrationally stated they didn't have to invite me if they didn't really want to. It was a girly night after all. At the same time my head unsubtly morphed into a giant red balloon, and those pesky and over-defensive red blood cells invaded the upper half of my body AGAIN. My boss then took offence thinking I had taken offence, we were very confused and I had to explain my embarrassment. It was more my rather 'cute' (Pfftt..) way of appreciating this very kind gesture and invitation...and if Im honest, inclusion.

It is seen as a kind of weakness; a sign of guilt or inferiority but it really shouldn't be. Its a vicious cycle; you go red, and as soon as it's pointed out then you go even redder. I also tend to become irrationally defensive and stutter out something incomprehensible or unjustifiably tense. Usually to pass the attention elsewhere. Another vicious reflex.

But is there REALLY a point to it all? Well.. its generally believed to have evolved as a kind of defence to get us back on track when diverging from our in-built sense of what is right and wrong. We cross our own personal boundary and our bodies physically react to make us think about what is happening, or what we are doing.

Either way, it really shouldn't bother us. It's something we should learn to live with, and what comes with age and experience, is the ability to tone down the reaction. We can be advised to relax and to breathe slowly, or to seek help with hypnosis or pill's, but it is something we ALL experience at one point or another and I somehow I doubt I will be preventing this very natural reaction anytime soon. After all, even though it defies absolute explanation, our bodies must do it for a reason..

To Giggle or not to Giggle..

• 
  
  

• I'd like to talk about the art of Giggling, the only area of expertise that I have mastered over my years. In fact, if there was an Olympic sport of Giggling then I'd probably have a few Gold medals planted proudly on my neck. At it is, It isn't and I don't and I can but dream..

• But should I have grown out of it by now? My resounding answer is NO. The very nature of it, as read above from the above definition from dictionary.com implies that it is a childish thing- note the word 'juvenile' in its explanation.

• I hold a responsible role in a full-time job, I relax on Mediterranean Cruises, I enjoy dinner party's with my friends and I sip cocktails in a bar. Juvenile?! Me?! Surely not..

• Today alone, I have collapsed into a fit of giggles on four separate occasions; tears streaming down my cheeks at the slightest of provocations. Reasons range from friends who unwittingly land themselves in trouble, to the unfortunate names of some of the people I encounter, from Internet jokes that leave little to the imagination, to slips of the tongue that tickle my mind- I simply lose the plot and fall down in a merry heap of laughter and tears. Is there really so much wrong with that?!

• You see, I have always giggled. Always. Back in school it was my 'thing.' You could usually count on me, especially on a Friday afternoon, to be silently chuckling away on the back row. This normally built up until BOOM it all escaped with a loud explosion of laughter that inevitably led to detention. During Mass at school I had to sit by the 'Head of year' because something the priest said, or did, was guaranteed to set me off. I was actually banned from Media classes because a teacher in a foul mood insisted on silence during registration. The slightest noise during it led to a torrent of shouting by him, echoed by a torrent of laughing by myself. 'Out' he screamed, purple faced with anger.

• My transition into work didn't change a thing. My first part-time job involved phone calls, with me desperately taking orders whilst I could stop laughing at a funny surname, or something my provoking colleague would do. Full time work didn't cure it either- Again phone calls where I mistook an old lady for a man, 'Sorry Madam, please find it in your self to forgive me' were followed by my responses, in between by the now mandatory stifled laughter of course. The hundred of hilarious phone calls I've had in my time alone would fill up my blog for a year, but you get my point.

• My argument is, as a kind of self justification, that my hilarious outlook on life will forever keep me young. Laughter is medicine and all that stuff. I like to see the funny things in life around me, because it's what makes this world interesting. It means I don't take myself too seriously, and that kind of draws people in- I can take the mick out of myself as much as the next wanna-be comedian all day long, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm comfortable with my flaws, and so can exploit them as cheap entertainment to attract a swarm of people around me- you can't go wrong!

• The definition above is almost correct. My giggles are high-pitched. They are ill-concealed. Short, repeated gasps and titters interrupt them. (I once giggled so hard I couldn't actually breathe) And they are normally out of amusement or embarrassment. But juvenile? I don't think so. Giggling is an expression of enjoyment, and what is life if we cannot enjoy it?

Jade - Goody or Baddy ?

Jade strikes me as unconventionally clever. She obviously wasn't the top of her class in Geography, or English for that matter- she clearly hasn't had much of an education altogether. However, who has their own mini empire selling a wide range of products, who can demand huge sums to appear in photo's and who has a bank balance to make most of our eyes water?! Exactly. She's definitely clever.

Is she a role model, to be aspired to? Or a role model to be held up as an example of what not to become. I can't make my mind up.

Shes an honest, loveable character. She cares deeply for her now husband, and two boys. She has been brought up in a chaotic world, but conquered this mess to become one of the most recognisable faces in the UK today.

She has faced this tragic situation in life with bravery and determination, and used it to provide the future for her children that she never had herself. This is a selfless and brutally honest explanation, and one which has quite frankly worked if we can believe the reports of the £1,000,000 she has already earned. And why not? She was brought into our lives and has led her hectic life in the glare of the public. She has every entitlement to go out of it in the same fashion. Yes she is famous for doing very little, but if the nation has taken her to its heart, then this cannot be a bad thing. And her fight has probably saved thousands of lives, bringing the plight of cancer to millions of people, spurring them to get checked out.

Sadly, her boys don't have a choice, they will have to live their lives without their mother. They won't be the first children, but regardless it is going to be tough. Very tough. But if they take after their mother, and with a little help from what Jade is doing right now, then I wouldn't bet against them.

Jade. In my eyes she's definitely a Goody.

Bored.com

The use of technology to entertain us fascinates me. Is it all an unnecessary waste of money? Or a a very necessary escape from the rush of modern life?

I love new technology, but I guess I'm a traditionalist at heart. A traditionalist - but a recent convert.

I would wake up in the morning and turn on the telly before parading into work. I'd spend my lunch hour in the welfare room in front of a television set. I'd come home and switch on the box to enjoy my favourite soap, follow it up with a Stir fry and a hefty dash of the national news. I'd dab in a documentary for a while, and turn to Question Time for the latest political mishaps. I'd relax and slip into my dream world with a film blaring away in the background. Notice a theme? Telly, Television, the Box- in all its form's its one invention that seems to govern the very existence of so many of us. Who said slavery was abolished? Just one item can control so much of what we do..

I use to always have the games consoles, and the desktop PC, and the Gameboy, and then the smaller, lighter version of the Gameboy which cost twice as much because it was 'colour.' I've had a mobile since I was 11, my parents were getting rid of theirs- Green screen, good for calls and almost nothing else- and since then I've been hooked. All this technology is there to prevent us from being 'bored'. But do you know what, the more the market is swarmed by this electricity-fed entertainment, the more and more bored we all become.

We can't fathom a world without our new 'gold' powering this endless entertainment. In the past it was a simpler world; a more imaginative place. Kids played and talked to one another, and told stories and jokes to amuse each other. They made dens to play in, and created worlds that existed only inside their very own PC; their brain. Now I don't want to rainbow the past- It was as crappy-a-place as modern place can be, I'm sure- but like I said I'm a technological convert.

I'm still addicted to my phone of course. But its calls now, not texts. I watch the news and documentaries- but the 400 pointless shows devotedly followed like the Bible by millions, do nothing for me. I shalln't name and shame. People can try to suck me in, but I can tell you the plot of every single one of these shows by a quick peep in the Sunday listings without actually having to force myself through endless hours of the crap.

I'm still addicted to facebook too, but not surfing the Internet. Facebook is about real people and real lives, arranging things with my friends and my expression of myself to all those around me. Photo's and comments and chats and events- real people, real things.

But other than that, consoles and games and pointless programmes have gone out of my life. What I enjoy in my life is gathering with my family and friends. Talking and eating together. Discussing life and the people we know.

I also like books. Why don't people read anymore?! People tend to forget what our very own brains are capable of and the worlds that they can create. We don't need a PC to create it for us. And the best bit is, a book costs £7.99 from a store ( or 25p down your local car boot). Not £179.99. Much kinder on the bank balance.

Don't throw out the telly, but watch the useful and interesting shows that give you information about the world you live in. And then use this information to visit this wonderful world of ours. I watched a programme about Iceland, and I went there. Wow. One of the best trip's of my life.

Don't throw out the computer, but use it as a tool to learn about this amazing place and the people in it that mean something to you.

Pick up a book and discover a thousand new worlds for you to explore.

Invite your mum round for tea, or your Aunt Edna, or your best friend Joe- turn off the telly, and talk. Bake a cake. Cook them a meal. Catch up on what you have missed and learn about their day, and their life..a thousand times more interesting (and relevant) than Patsy the transexual on the telly.

Why? Because you won't be bored. An instant cure to the scourge of modern humanity.

A friend recently spoke to me about getting a PSP for 150 quid ('with two games') for her husband to enjoy during their 2 week Caribbean holiday. You're in the Caribbean, with you're hubby, the only entertainment you should need is each other, the sunny beaches, the glorious sun and the odd cocktail (or 3)!! 'But it's an 8 hour flight' she says, but a book can be read on the plane, saving yourself a handsome £142.99, better spent, arguably, on some extra alcohol or a fancy dinner.

Maybe I'm being too simple. Some people might not enjoy reading. But humanity needs to re-discover entertainment in itself, in spending time with one other. Like the cavemen who sat around a fire for light & food- whose entertainment was to be surrounded by his or her loved ones whilst enjoying a good meal. Maybe us 'modern' men and women could learn a trick or two...

Me.

Me?

David.

Different. Different is good and should be encouraged. I may wear what you do, but I think like ME- nobody else does.

Aware. Being Aware of the world around us is vital to enjoy and love life. I'm uncannily observant.

Vivid imagination. This helps me to see what others may not, which leads to an interesting outlook on things.

Individuality. Adding interest to what is otherwise a very ordinary thing.

Dark. There's a moody, argumentative and difficult side to me, in direct contrast to everything else. I'm human.

• I'm a 20 year old male living in Ipswich. A small town, about an hour from London. In the beautiful, rolling landscape in Suffolk. You'll know it as the place the 5 prostitutes got murdered

• OK let me get this over and done with - I'm gay, but I don't like to mention it. I want you and those in my life to know David, me, myself. I want people to look at me and see a human being, not a gay male. That's all about that, no longer to be mentioned.
  

• I like to socialise with my partner and friends; a trip to the cinema, a night out in a bar pub or club, a meal in a restaurant or round a mates I have a vague interest in all of life. I follow politics, sport, business, history but all on an amateur level. I love to learn new things, and this takes me in all sorts of directions. I like to think of myself as effortlessly funny, I am told I am at my funniest when not trying. I love all aspects of modern life. I appreciate this world for everything it is. It is not appreciated enough.
  

• I am me, I am not perfect, and I don't try to be. So why should the world be? I love life and everything it is, and wish that my view on it all was shared by more.
  
  
  
  
• The reason for this blog. I want to document my view of our wonderful world. It interests me, and I sincerely hope it can interest you too.